These top five parenting tips will inform, expose, and identify where you can grow as a mother or father to rear healthier, whole people.

Expert Experience

The idea of being an "expert" truly is satire considering my parenting experience as follows:

Became a mother in October 2015 to a 9-year old girl, a week and a half later that darling blonde left us. --- Three days later on November 2, we were placed with Serenity (7) and Melody (3). We were their fourth or fifth foster home in a year and a half. One year after they joined our family, we were informed that we could adopt them. What a joyful and sorrowful experience. It was a trial-filled season with many goodbyes and future dreams alike. --- Nearly two years later, two more little girls joined our family. K(4) and S(2) only lived with us for four months. --- Approximately nine months later, our first little boy moved in. He was 3 months old and stayed for 2 months. His presence was a whirlwind.

Actually, they all have been a whirlwind. Moving in and moving out. Dreaming of a future with many of them that never would come and deeply longing for a past with the two whom have stayed. Children are tricky. Parenting is even trickier. If someone could just write a detailed manual for parenting, said person could make a million dollars. (Note: I am not/will not ever be that person) Books are written and research completed on this mysterious relationship annually because no one can quite crack the code. We've seen children come and go, and we've witnessed our daughters' roots grow deeper each year. Confessing that I have a plethora of experience really speaks more to variety rather than quantity. Nary 4 years have been spent rearing young souls and if I were honest, they have all taught me mountains more than I've taught any of them or could teach any of you. Therefore, I recruited my daughters to help me with these top 5 tips.

TIP 1: HAVE FUN

I am not good at this. Period. During a busy week, I'm more task-focused, overlooking any chance to laugh, dance, or have fun. When my stress level chills, the music turns up, we play cards, or watch shows together (undistracted). I am actually quite terrible at lifting my head from a sink full of dishes or basket of laundry to turn up the music and dance with my daughters. Research supports the benefits of dancing with our children, check it out here.

TIP 2: LISTEN

Do you hear their heart when they talk about their day at school? I'm the first to wave away a long story. I've literally told my 6-year old to "wrap it up" because her story was getting too long. Cue eye roll, not a good parenting technique.

TIP 3: WATCH

Melody is in dance, Serenity is in cheer, and they both take piano lessons. These extracurriculars give me time to watch them show off their new skills. Their faces beam with pride as they peek to see if I am fully engaged in their performance. Your children, young and old, are checking on you. Are you watching them? Are you distracted by the television, your phone, or a book?

TIP 4: APOLOGIZE

When I get frustrated, sometimes I overreact or sin in my anger. My girls like when I apologize for my inappropriate or unnecessary behavior because they don't feel sad (their words) or left in the dark about our previous conflict. Kids DO NOT see sin clearly, so if I continually treat them poorly, they believe that it's justified. It is my job as their mother to teach them discernment and humility along with my correction. Self-discernment or rebuking my own sin is hard work and takes time, but by exemplifying humility by apologizing teaches them how to do it too.

TIP 5: STOP SHAMING

Shame is bad. Ugh, it's the worst. Shame is all encompassing. Shameful people shame people. Repeat that again. It's an ugly truth. Currently, I'm reading The Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson. It is a MUST READ, like now, go order it now. Did you do it yet? Okay, one more link in case you need an audio book like me. Hence, someone who is ridden with their own unaddressed shame is going to blanket others in shame. This sick cycle only feeds the deeply rooted disease of generational shame. Start acknowledging what shameful words are coming out of your mouth, and then see Tip 4.