Popular reasons why families do not pursue foster care are typically not valid ones. Here are the top 5 reasons to skip foster care. If these reasons don't apply, why not now?

Simple Excuses

When we do not want to do something, excuses are easy. My kids do it, you do it, I do it. Don't deny it! On some level, we all do it.

Here are the top 5 reasons I think you should NOT become a foster family.

1. No Room: Without an extra bedroom or bed in your home, accepting new family members through foster care is illegal. You may let your bio kids share the living room couch as their bedroom, but state foster care regulations say otherwise. In our case, when we started foster care, we lived in a one-bedroom tiny house, so we moved. Excuses only apply if you allow them to.

2. Relationship Struggles: If your marriage or relationships with your children are not in a healthy place, do not add more stress. Foster care will not fix stressed relationships. Make sure everyone is on board. Becoming a foster family is just that, a family decision. We will always respect our daughters' opinions on accepting new placements, especially as they grow older.

3. Transportation: Without a car, life is challenging. Many places, especially Kansas, have poor public transportation options. Without a car, toting children to and from school, day care, or the doctor is nearly impossible. Also, if you desire to foster, God will provide. One week after we accepted our second placement of sisters, increasing our family to six from four, God answered a need. We had two cars at the time, but nothing that fit all six of us. My brother called offering us a used van they had just purchased for their family of three. I cried and accepted his offer to buy their mini van. God blessed us through my brother and sister-in-law, as many others have along the way.

4. Money Making: Foster care is a job, however, it is not a money maker. Parenting any child should feel like work if you are doing it well. Consistency and gentle guidance is exhausting. The stipend provided per child is usually around $20 per day. This cash is to provide clothing, shoes, school materials, child care, and other basic needs. In the same breath, the stipend might sound like a lot. We thought the same. However, needs rise and fall. A couple years ago, one of our daughters did a therapy program that cost us over $6K. Frankly, if you just want to make money, get a job and skip foster care.

5. No Purpose: If you do not have a heart for children without a home or a family to care for them, even temporarily. DO NOT PURSUE foster care. Obviously, you probably never would, but if your heart isn't in it, it'll show. Children are keen and they don't need more insecurities as a result of you checking a box of philanthropy. Over and over, non-foster parents say, "I could never do what you do." On days I'm feeling extra feisty, I want to say, "You're right!" but the kinder reality is if God calls you to it, He will pull you through it by His strength alone.

Chill Out, Chelsi

You might be saying, "Chill, Chels, foster care is not and will not be my thing." And to that, I would say, "YOU ARE RIGHT!" If God does not call you to this, you will not last. Foster care is hard, yet it is beautifully refining and has brought me closer to understanding God's endless faithfulness and unconditional love for me in the midst of my failures. My motivation for writing on this topic is because over the past couple weeks, we have received at least five placement calls. FIVE! Twelve children needed placement and potentially could have graced us with their presence. The placement requests were for kids ages 1 to 15. Sibling groups ranged from two to four kids and there was one solo teenage boy.

Saying "no" has gotten easier for us. Our lives are more established and due to having 10 and 7 year old daughters, older boys are an easy "no" in this season of life. Accepting any children at this time has been an easy "no" until the girls' adoption is finalized. Amazingly enough, the girls love saying "yes!" They don't love that we've declined placements because they know what it's like to be in foster care.

The reality is that accepting placements is stressful. For anyone who has had a baby knows the chaos of the early weeks; transitioning into a new normal takes time and grace. I have never had a baby or brought home a new born, however, I have gone from zero children to one, back to zero, to two, then to four, back to two, then to three, and back to two again. I have seen God move more miracles in these transitions than any other season of life. Stepping out in faith forces your hand to open up from the white-knuckled fist we like to grip life with...and with that I remind myself with lyrics to a favorite hymn, This World Is Not My Home. (note: the YouTube version is twangy in comparison to the beautiful acapella I recall)