Mitch > 3

Talking about 3s with my husband, Mitch Myer. He shares how Enneagram knowledge helped him understand himself better and how it has helped our marriage.

Threes are known as the Achiever. They are success-oriented, pragmatic,

adaptable, excelling, driven, and image-conscious. (Riso-Hudson)

Mitch's Initial Thoughts

“Once I discovered I was a 3, I came to the realization that I live with a lot of shame; always trying to earn favor with the things I do, never really understanding or believing that I am valued for who I am. The lie I have believed for most my life is that, "I am loved for what I do and not for who I am."

Marriage & Relationships

The enneagram has given us a lens into the motivation behind our behaviors toward one another. The enneagram addresses the deep internal issues that most people do not want to explore because they are messy. Knowing your number does not allow you to fake it; it exposes the real self to be acknowledged. It is a tool that I never knew I needed in my life until tragedy and suffering toppled me on my head. In our marriage, it helps us to have empathy for one another while also challenging each other to grow. There's a temptation to use one's enneagram number as a crutch (ie. "This is who I am, I can't change"), but at the heart of the enneagram is transformation. Chelsi's oneness (the perfectionist) that most annoys me is her consistent criticism. She wants to make everything better whether it is my wrinkled shirt or the house not being in order. The things I most adore about her oneness is that she's so driven to see things in their fullest potential. What I love most about being a 3 is that I can mold my personality to fit other people. I can be something different in each relationship depending on my perception of the other person's needs. Although it is a characteristic that I am attempting not to do so unconsciously, I love that I can connect with many people regardless of their personality.

Parenting as a 3

“I'm constantly wanting to change my daughter's emotions.”

Something I say often in our home when one of our daughters begins to fall apart (ie. crying) is, "Turn it off" or "Get over it." As you can imagine, this response does not fulfill the purpose it is meant to.

Threes love control and when things are not in my control, it causes me to feel uneasy. When I want to control their emotions, it often means I do not want to deal with the mess of their emotions because I haven't dealt with my own emotions. Therefore, parenting as a 3 means I have to consistently deal with my own mess so I can better and less hypocritically help them process feelings.

About Mitch

Mitch is a youth minister at Tonganoxie Christian Church. He's the husband of Chelsi, father of 2 daughters, and a chronic image-crafter. He loves a good cup of coffee and the Dave Ramsey podcast. He's an avid achiever, competitive, a developing Crossfitter, and lover of Jesus.