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  • Writer's pictureChelsi Myer

Kacey > 4

Out of all the Enneagram numbers, 4s are known as the most complex. "The Individualist" is well defined by my beautiful friend, Kacey. She is going to share what 4-complexity looks like and how Enneagram wisdom has empowered her.


Fours, also known as the Individualist, are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. (Riso-Hudson)

 
I thought "Oh, it's just another personality test...", I am so glad I eventually decided to seek more information on it!

I first heard about the Enneagram on a few different podcasts that I frequently listen to (Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey, and Girls Night with Stephanie May Wilson). I remember feeling confused when they were talking about different numbers and which numbers they identify with. At first, I wasn't very interested because I thought "Oh, it's just another personality test...". I am so glad I eventually decided to seek more information on it!


Knowing my Enneagram number has helped me to understand that I am not alone, specifically in the ways I act or react to certain situations. I am a 4, which is the most emotional number on the Enneagram. I've heard things like, "you're overreacting" or "you're so dramatic" all of my life. I used to think that there was something wrong with me because of the high emotions (good or bad) I can have in response to certain situations. Since finding out my number, I have been able to learn and grow toward a healthier 4 by working hard on not letting my emotions take over and "control" me. At the same time, I am less ashamed for letting myself FEEL the emotions a circumstance brings up. I also have been attracted to "melancholy" for most of my teenage and adult life, which I now know is somewhat normal for 4's, and isn't that weird. I enjoy things like a sad song or a scent from the past that brings up melancholy memories.


The second way knowing my number has helped me is that I am now exploring more ways to express myself creatively. A lot of 4's are artists or musicians, and I am not really either of those, so when I first learned that about 4's, it made me question whether or not I was actually a 4. After thinking about that and reflecting on certain projects I have done in the recent past and some current ones, I am beginning to realize that I am creative and I enjoy creating content and putting words together to express encouragement and Truth.


I am less ashamed for letting myself FEEL the emotions a circumstance brings up. I also have been attracted to "melancholy" for most of my teenage and adult life, which I now know is somewhat normal for 4's, and isn't that weird. I enjoy things like a sad song or a scent from the past that brings up melancholy memories.

Thoughts on Marriage to an 8 (The Challenger)


OHHH man. Being married to an 8 is always an adventure, hard, and there is seriously never, ever a dull moment. It has been good for my husband and I to learn our numbers and how we can affect each other. Sometimes he can say something as a joke, or in a certain tone and it will hurt my feelings. I will often take it personally even if there was no ill will behind it. I am learning to buck up a little bit and work on thickening my skin (because I know that will be good for me in many situations), and my husband is more sensitive to my feelings. When we have disagreements, it is really no fun. We are both stubborn, so if an argument gets heated, I will withdraw wanting him to come after me apologizing, and he will remove himself from the situation to cool off and go do something else, which upsets me because it seems like he doesn't care, etc.


Making decisions is a totally different story. We are very much a "ready, fire, aim" couple. Since I am feelings oriented, and he has a 7 wing, a lot of times we can just be like, "that sounds fun, let's do it!", without any more thought. We have gotten ourselves into some hard situations because of that impulsivity, but we have also learned some good life lessons as a result. We have had some of the most fun, often last minute adventures of my life because of our decision-making style!


What do you want people to know about 4s?


For my fellow 4s, embrace who you were created to be and use your emotional response to help someone else out, or elicit a change for the greater good for someone or something. Basically, use it for good! For non 4s, bear with us, we just love you, and everyone, and everything, and we are sad that we can't adopt all of the shelter dogs in the world!


And a good cry isn't that bad ;)


“For non 4's, bear with us, we just love you, and everyone, and everything, and we are sad that we can't adopt all of the shelter dogs in the world!”

About Kacey


Kacey is a wife, daughter, sister, and friend. She is an advocate for encouraging women to seek strength and courage from the Lord to walk through any and all situations they may face in life. Some of Kacey's favorite activities include hiking in the Colorado mountains, trying a new restaurant, or taking on a house project with her husband.

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